The Love

I don't know where to start, I never do like this to anyone or something. But, just read this out and loud. I wanna say thank you to you because you are the person who most understands me. When I'm happy you're happy too and you never want to destroy my happiness. When I'm sad you always talk softly and try to comfort me again. When I'm angry, you're always trying to bring my mood back and always talk carefully and softly. You never force if I don't want to You're the first person I'm looking for when I wake up to sleep until I want to sleep again. You're my favourite person I met. Don't leave me, I want you to stay with me. I want to spend my time with you. I want happy with you. I want to reach our dream together. I need you. You're absolutely perfect. I  Love everything about you. Your sound makes me miss you every day, your brown eyes get stuck in my mind whenever you look at me, your bare face when you just wake up from your sleep, your happy laugh makes me happy too, your warm hug makes me comfortable with you and feels safe, your nice kiss that I miss every night and many more I love from you. I wish we can be together, and our dreams become a reality. I'm not just loving you, I'm in deep love with you. When I see you, I see the most caring, loving, generous, kindhearted, selfless, hardworking, funny, patient, talented, smart, amazing, wonderful, protective, loyal and the cutest boy I ever know. When I see you I see you my best friend, my boyfriend, my human diary, my support, my mine. I love it and I enjoy it when I'm spending time with you. Being total weirdos together, switching our story, being romantic.

But, do you know the definition of I love You? I mean, do you know why or how do I love you? 

"I Love You" means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I don't wish to change you into someone else. I don't expect perfection from you; just as you don't expect it from me It means that I'll love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood and too tired to do things I want. It means loving you when you're down not just when you're fun to be with. "I love you" means that I know your deepest secrets if you'll let me and don't judge you from them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and I love you enough to not let go. It means I thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing only you, and knowing that you feel the same way for me. 

I know, and here's the truth. I've been broken for so long. And I get attached way too fast. I'm lost and I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. The littlest things scare the hell out of me. I'm scared of being happy or smiling or putting myself out there again. Because every time I do I end up getting hurt. And I have no one. I feel so alone, and thankfully no one cares. I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die. I hurt every day. Ever when seem like I don't but the truth is I do. I cry too much, and I push people away cause I think that's what I need. I don't know what's good for me  And I don't want to. I don't want to be the girl who is easy and dumb or worthless. I try so hard to be enough and somehow I never am. I hate my body and guys use it and end up leaving. I am open to much. To the point where now I don't ever open up. I lock myself in my room and I hope that someone out there is thinking about me. Even though I know no one is. I see all my flaws and think maybe guys see them too. I always go for the guys I know are going to hurt me and that hurts me to say. I'm always a forgiving person and I always let people in and open my heart for them just to break it. I am always there when no one is ever there for me, and I never think about myself. Only everyone else and when I do think about myself I'm selfish so I'm scared. I am absolutely terrified. 

There are so many things in life we can't explain. Often times things happen for a reason and we are forced to deal with the outcome. There are people I think about every day who are no longer present in my life. Simply due to choices made by themselves or an ongoing persuasion by others. I have to grow to accept reality and move on. Everybody knows how much I smile and keep my head up. but there is hurt and pain underneath because I know it always gets better. Somehow, someway I'm not perfect. I've also made mistake. Everybody has the opportunity to change things and make a positive difference and I beat myself up every day when I can't help someone. Sometimes I feel like my best is not good enough. No matter what I'll always try my best.