I Hope You're Happy

I'm so used to being abandoned — to being loveless and rejected.

No amount of ink and blood can convey the vacancy residing within, raising its undying fortress of resentment and despair of every step away taken is the final strings of hope snapping with the desolate stare lingering behind

No longer is there the urge to beg — to merely ask. 

Those eyes are now nothing more than dead and empty, blankly staring at the people I cherish so profoundly taking step after step away to protect their own fragile hearts for the better — 

I whisper pathetically to myself, the chant echoing in silent repetitions until a plethora of deception comes and soothes my forlorn soul to eternal sleep.

I will not be affected,' I repeat to myself for the millionth time.
In response a mocking laugh vibrates through my bones, the memory of my fear of being abandoned hauntingly close.

I saw glimpses of you

from where the dark 

had no place to return.

I constantly got remembered 

by your mesmerizing gaze,

how it was a long-lost art

that answers the questions of the past.

The sunshine in your eyes

implied the hard work of your creator,

a hidden grace to those

lucky enough to find it.

But regret came

after I had lost you.

we were always the past 

which never meant

to meet the future.

There will be no us

at the end of the tunnel,

it will be just me

making metaphors about your eyes

from the same spot we parted ways.

I want to stay in your heart forever

even when I’ll never get to spend a day 

laughing with you again.

I’ll build a bonfire inside the happiest

memories of us.

You and I will keep each other warm

in the oblivion of our togetherness.

I will never know what song your favorite is

ever again, but you sing sweet songs in my heart

and I melt every night in the lullaby of a hope lost.

You are my greatest hope, breath, and dream.

You are the reason why the moon says “Hello”

in my bedroom window because she knows “Goodbyes” 

are only for those who love with their eyes 

and darling

I loved you despite not knowing how blind I was 

for you were the angel that whispered, “Let there be light”

in my eternal darkness.

and let there be stars in my scars

and let there be laughter in my tears

and let there be loveliness in all my love.

You are God’s loveliest blessing sent from the heavens above.

Someday, in a sweeter time, you and I shall meet in the sky

for I’ve heard that’s the best thing that happens 

when lovers who lost each other die.

and while I’m alive, there’s nothing else to live for

except for these words:

I 

hope 

you’re happy.