Dear My Future Husband

Dear my future husband, 

A life with me won't be easy. Past trauma has thought me into guard my heart.
I talk back and i stand up for myself. My feelings are easily hurt. I overthink about everything. Even for something that hasn't happened. 
I often do believing the worst case scenario. I will need you to be straight forward and honest with me. Because people in my past prove to be deceitful and untrustworthy.
I'll need constant reassurance of your love throught words but more importantly action.
I'm still learning to love myself. To see myself the way God sees me.
I fight the voices in my head each day that tell me i'm not enough. I fight my despression and axiety.
Someday i fight just to get out of bed. Someday i fight just to face the world. And at my worst day i even have to battle my self to get up when the sun comes down. But i'm a fighter. I'll fight for your love and for your heart and i will never quit. 

I promise to love you with every beat of my heart. 

I know it seems that i'm not coming, but please don't give up on me. If you're going to fall in love with me, here are some things you should know beforehand. I cry often. Whether it's during a movie, a sad song the radio, or a regular sunday morning. I'll cry when i speak of things that have hurt me, even if they no longer hurt anymore.

Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quiter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because i didn't want to be a burden. 

I didn't want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, i suffered. 

If you want me listen to you, respect that i can hear. If you want me to speak to you, respect that i have voice, If you want me to look at you, respect my ability to see. Share with me not only your sadness but also your hapiness. If i can bear hours of your sadness, believe me, it's because i would like to see days of your hapiness. Open your heart to me if you respect that i a worthy of your love.

Sincerely yours,

Your Future Wife  

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