Let's Talk About Heartbreak

Heartbreak isn't beautifl. It isn't fucking poetry, its not staying up till 4 am and listening to sad songs. Or it's not reread the old messages between you and that person you love. It's seeing their face in all the people you pass by. It's feeling oke for weeks at a time and then all of sudden, you feel it's he ghost of their lips on your neck and their nails on your back and you're chocking on memories of their presence. It's waking up from dreams of them coming back and screaming in the middle of the night because your chest aches like rotting tooth. Stop romanticizing pain. Stop using people like their objects. A heart isn't a cigarette - you can't just light it up and then stomp it out when your're done. Don't act like anything about heartbreak is beautiful, because i wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemies. 

And just because we don't talk anymore doesn't mean i've forgotten about you. It doesn't mean that i no longer care. Truth is i still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see how you doing. To see if you're okay. But every time i get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that, we're starts as a strangers and we end up again like strangers, you don't want me in your life, i'm not beautiful and not good as her, i have trust issues and she doesn't, i have commitment issues and she doesn't. Hence the reason. I am no longer a part of you. But Even though everything's changed ; i just want you to know that i am still here, still missing you even when i go with different people to the place we used to go. I almost crying but i hold back my tears.

I wish that i had never met you, then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But stupid me, the saddest things is. If he asked me to, i would be there. I would love him all over again and get my heart shattered exactly like i did before. Because that's just how much i love him. I love him more than i love my self. I loved him more than any sane person could love another. All the love that this heart of mine could muster up, was given to him. 

what i could get for 3 months ??? nothing !!! you said. And Yes we didn't date. Technically he wasn't my ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe and an ex-almost.

You said WE MET AT THE WRONG TIME. But the truth is. Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right with relationship. We meet the person of our dreams the month before they leave to go to study abroad. We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken. One relationship ends because our partner isn't ready to get serious and another ends because they're getting serious too soon.

"i would be perfect" we moan to our friends, "if only this were five years from now / eight years sooner / some indistinct time in the future where all our problems would take care of themselves" Timing seems to be the invariable third party in all of our relationships. And yet we never stop to consider why we let timing play such a drastic role in our lives. 

Timing is a bitch, yes ! But it's only a bitch if we let it be. Here's a simple truth that i think we all need to face up to,  the people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people. You never meet the right people at the wrong time BECAUSE THE RIGHT PEOPLE ARE TIMELESS.  The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had for one and follow.